Dissociated

I feel horrible about not updating lately. Not too horrible, because my life has been hell the past few weeks. Just a few of the things that have happened: huge fights in my family, I interviewed for a job and did not get it, I became very discourage on my job search, someone close to me is having a very hard time, I have major issues with my living situation, I met up with someone from my past who I do not get along with and who makes me very angry to be around, and on top of I had my period dammit!!!

Most of this past week or so, I have been pretty dissociative. That aspect of BPD used to scare me - I thought I was going crazy or having a complete breakdown when it would happen. But after being diagnosed and learning about it I have come to accept it as a part of who I am. This has been so dynamic for me - to learn that sometimes my emotions just sort of "shut down" because I can't handle them anymore. My body and mind take a break from it all, because it just can't handle anymore.

And every once and a while, that's ok. I know now that I am not going to lose myself, or go crazy. Its just a temporary break.

And actually, it kind of made me feel better. Knowing that I was sort of "checked out" for a while allowed me to function at about 98% normal for this week. I was pretty quiet and zoned most of the time, and I barely ate, but I went to work every day and made it through the day. I managed to answer the phone when the job rejection call came. I managed to speak civilly to the person I cannot stand (and actually came out feeling better knowing that thought we will never be friends and least I am not full of hate anymore) And I made it through the lonely nights at home even when they were really hard.

Don't get me wrong, dissociation sucks and I will be glad to come to the day when I never experience it again. It sucks because in the middle of this episode I went to a dear family member's graduation and I barely even felt like I was there. I know it should have been wonderful to see all my distant family that I never get to see, and celebrate with them, but I was just floating around the party scraping up small talk. I would have liked to have been my normal self at that party. But with all that had happened, I couldn't. But someday, I know I will...

My Athletic Life (and Reaping its Benefits)

I have recently tapped into the benefits of exercise, having just trained for and completed my first 5K race (a longtime dream!). My therapist was thrilled to learn I was running and exercising, especially since she felt it would somewhat make up for the lack of prozac in my system and ease the withdrawl as I went off that particular pill. I was thinking today about my athletic life. We can have a professional life, a personal life, a sex life...why not an athletic life? My athletic life is seperate from my other lives - such as my work life and my life as a person with BPD. When I'm out running or training, I am in another world - a world where working hard does equal results (like it doesn't often in the confusing real life world) and you can set goals and reach them by following a logical, prescribed sequence.

But its been a long road to here. The road from non-runner to a 5k race was long enough on its own, but that's not the long road I'm talking about. When you have BPD and hate your life and/or you are depressed, its hard enough to get out of bed. Let alone go out and run. Or even pop in a 20 minute workout video and get through it without crying about how miserable you are. I've done all those things before, and I don't really know how I overcame them this time around. Maybe its because I started getting better, or maybe I started getting better becuase of all the exercise. If I figure it out I'll let you know.

But while I figure it out, I'll share this article from active.com about the physiological effects exercise has on your body and mood. Its easy enough for our therapists or doctors or loved ones to tell us to go out and exercise because its good for us. But its an entirely different thing to do it when you are in the world we life in. So I hope that this article inspires some of you with its simple and logical reasons to add some form - any form - of exercise to your recovery.

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7 Ways Exercise Relieves Stress

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Fitness Together Santa Monica PRLog.com

I'm a self-confessed "stress-pot". It's not an easy admission to make, simply because I hate being stressed. And knowing I stress over little things, stresses me out more.

Without exercise, I'd be locked at home, brimming with stress and depression. I know because I've been there when injured. It's something you only notice if exercise is a central part of your being.

Most people I know who workout regularly say that they use exercise to manage their stress--as well as to look better, be healthier and all the rest.

It seems that if exercise isn't a part of your life, you might be at a disadvantage when it comes to daily stressful situations. By starting to exercise, you can learn to stress less.

That may not be the case for everyone and there are other ways to cope with stress, but for me, exercise is the most natural, effective and cheap coping mechanism. Exercise and stress are closely related.

How Does Exercise Relieve Stress?

If you don't have a very active lifestyle, and often feel strangled by stress and depression, you may want to take note.

Here are the main ways exercise and stress are connected:

Body Systems

When stressed, each of your body systems (cardiovascular, nervous, respiratory, muscular etc.) need to interact efficiently for you to respond well. Exercise helps your body systems practice interacting with each other, in a healthy way. This directly leads to a better overall response to stress.

Endorphins

These are your natural pain killers that give you a "high". Although more research is needed, there's no doubt that long periods of moderate to high intensity exercise, does have a happy affect on your emotions.

Fight or Flight

This is your natural reaction to any stressful situation. The problem is that much of today's stress doesn't require either physical fighting or running. But your body still provides the chemicals for it, which can be harmful if they remain. The best and most logical way to clear the chemicals, is to actually do some exercise.

Rhythm and Flow

Some exercise, like running and cycling, lets you get into a rhythm. That rhythmic flow of a repeat action relaxes your mind. It's a bit like focusing on nothing and everything at the same time. It's your time. Just make sure you keep an eye on where you're going!

Socialize

Any sport or exercise with friends, gives you the chance to socialise, that you may not normally get. "Having a laugh" with friends is more than just fun. It gives you a chance to share your problems, and know that someone is there if you need them.

Better Sleep

Lack of sleep often leads to a vicious cycle. You become more stressed and anxious during the day, which means it's even harder to sleep at night. Exercise not only helps break that cycle, but can lead to a positive cycle instead. When you sleep well, you'll have more energy in the day and be more productive.

Organize your Life

Stress is often caused by a lack of organisation and planning, whether it's in your work life or home life. Following a workout plan, where you set yourself goals and ultimately have a sense of achievement, will help you transfer those skills to the rest of your life.

Stress Busting Exercises

When it comes down to it, any exercise is better than none. Don't worry about which exercise is the best for others, focus on yourself and what you enjoy.

If you're not sure, then try different things out. Use the buttons on the top left of this page to find something you enjoy.

Here are some more tips to exercise and stress less:

Mix up your exercise. It depends on your goals (burn fat, get fitter, build muscle etc.), but including a mix of, for example, aerobic, interval and circuit exercises will benefit you the most overall, when dealing with stress.

Adapt your exercise to your type of stress. If you tend to feel out of control, try rhythmic exercise (as described above - running, swimming, cycling etc.) and some yoga or pilates to focus your energy. If you tend to feel angry and aggressive, try combat exercise like martial arts or boxing.

Make the first move. I know it's hard when you're stressed out, depressed and don't feel like moving a muscle. The problem is, things will just feel worse if you don't. So, however small it is, make that first move. It could literally be putting on your exercise shoes and going for a walk. Build from there.

Take it easy. If you're just getting started with exercise, go slow. If you have any concerns, see your health professional first. There's no point jumping in head first if you pick up an injury.

Final Word

Now you know the many connections between exercise and stress. The facts are hard to ignore, try doing some exercise today and see if it makes a difference.

If you know anyone who always seems to be stressed or short-tempered, let them know about exercise and stress. You can't force anyone to do anything, but you can point them in the right direction.

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