OMG, I CAN'T Stop...

Lately, I've been lagging on learning more about DBT skills and completing the exercises and learning experiences in my DBT workbook. I know at some point in the next few day's I'll be pulling a marathon in preperation for my monthly meeting with my therapist next week, so I'll have some progress to tell her about.

But in the meantime, I've been following the show "This Emotional Life" on facebook, and reading the blogs and articles, and this particular one regarding labels caught my attention: http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/i-am-broken-leg

I could talk quite a bit about how I often think of myself as "I am Borderline" rather than seeing myself as a person with BPD (in fact I recently changed my blog header to better reflect a healthy view of myself), but the part of this article that really jolted me was this:

A lot of times I see clients feeling ambivalent as they get better. “Wow, I feel so much happier” and yet “this feels so weird and uncomfortable…am I still me?” This ambivalence, which is quite normal, can lead people to stop treatment and relapse back into their symptoms. If, however, an individual can see that they happen to have a condition that isn’t who they are, it can be easier to become free from it.

I have been guilty of that ambivalence lately: I know I have gotten a lot better, and 98% of the time I feel pretty damn happy and good inside. In fact, I was supposed to join a DBT group that was finally starting back up in my area this month, but from the progress I've made working through the book, my therapist doesn't think I need too! I am happy that I have done so well. But all the same, I haven't been as dedicated working at my treatment like I should be, because I am not done yet - in fact I am only about halfway through DBT. Though I have learned as lot of great ways to tolerate distress and have become a much more mindful person, I still have to
learn more about emotional regulation and especially how to have healthy relationships. So, although I've come a long way, I'm convicted now that I need to hunker down and really continue to work.

This is especially important because I know that I will most likely be facing a situation soon where I am going to be seeing someone who really hurt me, and I know a relapse could come from that. The events with this person have really been popping into my mind lately, probably because I know what is coming up, so I need to get more focused and use those instances - when I remember what happened and my emotions swell up - to practice my new skills and control myself.

All the same, whether I AM a borderline or I HAVE borderline personality disorder, I am also in recovery...