Resolutions

I am home again after two weeks of holiday traveling. It was nice. I got to visit everyone in my family and my 3 closest friends. In all I went to 5 different cities! I'd spend a few days at each and then repack and move on...but I don't see any of them often enough, so it was worth traversing the entire state to spend time with them. And time spent driving in the car just singing along with my favorite songs is always therapeutic for me, so I have come home refreshed (if not rested, I'm rather tired out).

I have several resolutions for the new year. One of course is losing weight. Last year I managed to lose about 15 lbs. That is almost all that I put on in last year's major depressive episode, and although I did gain some back with being ill in the past few months, I am determined to work hard at it. My goal is to lose twice as much this year (30 lbs) and my stretch goal is to lose 5 lbs/month before the summer. I am hopeful. For one thing, over the past few months when I was too sick to do any exercising, I vowed I wouldn't take it for granted and be more committed to working out. So, I am positive that I will have some success.

I've a few other small goals as well: I am going to work on some writing projects, waste less time (mindlessly browsing the internet and facebook are two culprits) and I would really like to start running again.

Of course, I am going to continue working on my recovery. I am completing my DBT workbook and I have already put some of my new skills to use in minor situations. I am hoping this year to make some positive changes in my life and especially my career, and my new abilities in the area of distress tolerance and emotional regulation will be tested. Its frightening, but my mindset it to bring it on - even if I fail I guess it is practice.

Which brings me to my next goal: I'm going to start living. For the past five years, I really feel like I've been asleep in a way - my invisible battle with BPD has kept me from chasing my dreams and doing the things I want in life because fear and sadness always stood in my way. But I am learning how to battle the fear and the sadness, and the anger at myself and the world for my being this way is starting to heal. So I am going to go out there and follow my heart and try some things I want try, and some things I've tried before and failed at. Time will tell how my new found outlook changes my future.