My Emotional Life

Did anyone out there watch the special series "This Emotional Life" on that ran on PBS last week? I happened to stumble across it while searching through my DTV guide and watched about half of the episode on facing fears (which was episode 2 and just happened to be the one that dealt with BPD). I was so excited because so many of the things they were talking about were the exact same things I've been working on or discussing in therapy, like using specific strategies to regulate emotions like fear and anxiety. They even talked about radical acceptance and how, when people looked at their situations objectively and without judgements, their emotions shifted into the positive. They also did an excellent job in explaining the background of different types of therapy, how it has evolved, and why it works in certain situations. I am definitely going have to watch this series again in its entirety (so watch for me to post more on it!), and I recommend it to anyone struggling with emotional health.

Handbook for 2010

People always say they wish life came with an instruction book. Got this from an email friend today, and couldn't help but notice all the BPD wisdom it had, such as having quiet time everyday and being in charge of your own happiness! They are all good ideas, but I've highlighted some of the ones I really want to work on this year, and challenge you to do the same!

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Handbook for 2010

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5. Make time to pray.

6. Play more games.

7. Read more books than you did in 2009.

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:

40. In this life you find out the only things you have are family and friends: take care of them.

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Resolutions

I am home again after two weeks of holiday traveling. It was nice. I got to visit everyone in my family and my 3 closest friends. In all I went to 5 different cities! I'd spend a few days at each and then repack and move on...but I don't see any of them often enough, so it was worth traversing the entire state to spend time with them. And time spent driving in the car just singing along with my favorite songs is always therapeutic for me, so I have come home refreshed (if not rested, I'm rather tired out).

I have several resolutions for the new year. One of course is losing weight. Last year I managed to lose about 15 lbs. That is almost all that I put on in last year's major depressive episode, and although I did gain some back with being ill in the past few months, I am determined to work hard at it. My goal is to lose twice as much this year (30 lbs) and my stretch goal is to lose 5 lbs/month before the summer. I am hopeful. For one thing, over the past few months when I was too sick to do any exercising, I vowed I wouldn't take it for granted and be more committed to working out. So, I am positive that I will have some success.

I've a few other small goals as well: I am going to work on some writing projects, waste less time (mindlessly browsing the internet and facebook are two culprits) and I would really like to start running again.

Of course, I am going to continue working on my recovery. I am completing my DBT workbook and I have already put some of my new skills to use in minor situations. I am hoping this year to make some positive changes in my life and especially my career, and my new abilities in the area of distress tolerance and emotional regulation will be tested. Its frightening, but my mindset it to bring it on - even if I fail I guess it is practice.

Which brings me to my next goal: I'm going to start living. For the past five years, I really feel like I've been asleep in a way - my invisible battle with BPD has kept me from chasing my dreams and doing the things I want in life because fear and sadness always stood in my way. But I am learning how to battle the fear and the sadness, and the anger at myself and the world for my being this way is starting to heal. So I am going to go out there and follow my heart and try some things I want try, and some things I've tried before and failed at. Time will tell how my new found outlook changes my future.