Where in the hell am I? And where did my normal self go???

So I have been in a weird mood for the past week.

It started last week when the last computer in the house that worked stopped working. Now I have two that will not get online, so I have to go to my work or the library to get all my work done. And I have a lot of work and it is stressing me out. On top of my day job, I am looking for a new job and applying for at least a dozen a week and getting nowhere - its a lot of work getting together nice resumes and cover letters - or spend 5 hours filling out an online application - and pisses me off when I don't even get a simple confirmation from them.

I am thinking about taking a job 8 hours away and that is scary! I have tried that before and failed at it. My therapist and I have discussed both the failures and my possible future moving away at great ends. I have lots of coping stragagies worked out that I can use to get me through it, and I think its possible. But right now I'm in a tizzy and can't even see how anything would work out ok.

On top of that, I'm having one of the worse episodes of PMDD I've ever had. I have been in a state of derealization for the past three days, and have started to have such overwheming anger. I literally almost threw my cell phone and the ground and smashed it to pieces the other day, because I was so frustrated with the crappy service I get. I'm having pain and bloating and am so irritable I cannot stand it. I feel like hurting myself for the first time in months. Going off prozac is not helping this either...I have been I was down to 1.6 mg of prozac a day, and was doing fine with every step down from the 20 mg,but once I went off it completely I got headaches and kind of freaked out. So I went back on the small dose for now, at least to get through this period.

This entry is pretty disjointed and random, but that's how I feel right now. I'm using all my stragegies to get through this - distracting myself, trying to relax, doing things to take the place of self-injury (is it odd that summer is coming and I've found that waxing is a great substitute for SI?) But those things are just getting me through, I still feel like my brain is in a fog and not functioning normally.

The only thing that really is helping is knowing this is just temporary, and that in a few days, once my period starts, I will be back to normal. I will probably check in with you all then.